You're A Mean One Rosalie
by AnitaRealityCheck
Summary: She really is a bad banana with a greasy black peel!


_**Just in time for the Holiday Season!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. And I also do not own the song You're a Mean On Mr. Grinch that belongs to Dr. Suess.**_

_**You're a Mean One… Rosalie**_

_**By: AnitaRealityCheck**_

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the Cullen house, not a creature was stirring… except for Rosalie and that pesky field mouse Dorothy. Rosalie was busy tearing down all the Christmas decorations that Bella had helped put up… only the ones that Bella helped put up.

Unknown by Rosalie, I stood there watching as she tore down the mistletoe where Edward and Bella were always caught making out. Funny, I don't remember getting a single kiss from my darling wife… maybe I can convince her to put that up in our room since she has torn it off the wall… ceiling… door frame? Oh, well.

She had taken all the presents that were to Bella and put them in a closet somewhere where not a soul could find them… except Edward, Jasper and I, we all are here watching her destroy Christmas.

This was to be Bella's first Christmas with us… and Edward had made it a point… a very strong point… that we do not ruin the blessed holiday like we do every year. So Rosalie, being as stubborn as she is, has decided to destroy it tonight… while Bella, Alice, Esme, and Carlisle are all out… hunting… at least that's what they told us.

The look on Edwards face was one I have never seen before… one of absolute amusement. It takes a lot to amuse him… what is he up too?

"You know that song, _You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch_?" Jasper asked very quietly, most definitely praying to god that she didn't hear him.

Edward and I just nodded.

_You're a mean one, Rosalie.  
You really are a heel.  
You're as cuddly as a cactus;  
You're as charming as an eel.  
Rosalie._

_You're a bad banana  
With a greasy black peel._

"Yeah, this kind of reminds me of that!" he snickered. "Only she's not an ugly green monster!"

"Watch it!" I said quickly. "But you are right." She looked up from her position by the train set probably messing with the figurations of the speed and such to make the poor little Lionel to go at a treacherous speed. Maybe she'll put the other one on the same track and have it facing the first one and then… boom… a big crash.

"Emmett, have I ever told you that you are so childish at times." Edward said. "And if I was you guys, I'd creep back up the stairs and hide in Carlisle's office… no one is to make a… hello Rosalie." She just popped up out of nowhere.

"What are you boys up too?" she asked very sweetly.

"Nothing." Edward said quietly. "Absolutely nothing!"

She inched towards us and we backed up the stairs.

_You're a monster, Rosalie.  
Your heart's an empty hole.  
Your brain is full of spiders;  
You've got garlic in your soul.  
Rosalie._

_I wouldn't touch you, with a  
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole_.

"I know the three of you are not spying on me, are you?" She chimed. "Because you all know what the consequences could possibly be… and we wouldn't want that now would we, boys?"

"No, no, of course not." We said all at once. We continued backing up the stairs and then we stopped at the landing.

_You're a vile one, Rosalie.  
You have termites in your smile.  
You have all the tender sweetness  
Of a seasick crocodile.  
Rosalie._

_Given the choice between the two of you  
I'd take the seasick crocodile._

We each took off to our respective rooms, only she followed me… for we shared the same room and how could I escape her there.

"You are prime evil Rosalie. We worked hard to put that all together. Why would you destroy it… I thought you and Bella were getting along?"

"Oh, please, Emmett, don't let what you see fool you!" she practically cackled. I kind of liked it… though I shouldn't have liked that… no.

"You're evil."

_You're a foul one, Rosalie.  
You're a nasty, wasty skunk.  
Your heart is full of unwashed socks  
Your soul is full of gunk.  
Rosalie._

_The three words that best describe you,  
are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."_

"Oh, why, thank you. I'd love to stay and chat but I have a job to finish. You just stay put until I return." And she left the room. It wasn't long until Edward and Jasper came to my room.

"We have to redecorate the entire house before they get home." Jasper whispered. "Bella is going to be heart broken."

"Rosalie is going to pay for this." Edward said as if he wasn't paying attention… although we knew he was. For he nodded slowly in the direction of Jasper before he spoke.

"What is her problem with Bella?" I asked quietly.

"Because Bella wanted to give up her humanity, Emmett, she had a choice. Rosalie is jealous because she did not have a choice."

"Oh, cry me a river, and have Carlisle build me a bridge." Jasper snickered. "She is so spoiled… why did Carlisle even change her?" Both Jasper and I looked at Edward.

"You want his version, ask him. I think he was trying to find me a mate… why… I don't know… she was nothing more than a sister to me."

"She is nuts." I just heard the tree fall and break the new Plasma television. Another couple of months of no television… she has definitely gone insane.

"They're home. This should be interesting." Edward looked up at the door and motioned for Jasper and I to follow out the door.

_You're a rotter, Rosalie.  
You're the king of sinful sots.  
Your heart's a dead tomato splot  
With moldy purple spots,  
Rosalie._

_Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing  
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable  
rubbish imaginable,  
Mangled up in tangled up knots_.

"Rosalie! What is this mess?" Esme yelled. "Where are all the decorations? And the gifts? And… and…"

"Not another one!" Carlisle snapped.

"Rose, what has gotten into you?" Esme demanded. "Fix this now."

We stood on the stairs and nearly doubled over in laughter. The expression on her face was priceless. She was caught and she didn't have a way to get out of her actions. This would be funny for years to come.

Bella sang quietly to herself as she ascended the stairs.

_You nauseate me, Rosalie.  
With a nauseaus super-naus.  
You're a crooked jerky jockey  
And you drive a crooked horse.  
Rosalie._

_You're a three decker saurkraut and toadstool  
sandwich  
With arsenic sauce._


End file.
